A smoky, dark brown, bitter bugger. The girls didn't like it, with one describing it as “metallic and vile”. Oliver: “Some beers get worse the more you drink (Carlton Cold); this gets better.”

Well balanced and very bitter. A very nice, golden beer. Geoff: “It's not a bitter finish, it's a bitter start!”

Despite what the label says, there's no way this could be classed as a pilsener. It's much more like a fruity, malty ale. Even its color, a deep golden, suggests this is not a pilsener. Big on flavor, and what a flavor it is. This is delicious.

FOOTNOTE: A later, informal, tasting by Oliver reveals a beer much, much closer to what would be called a pilsner. The tasting, on February 22, 2004, was after this beer had been discontinued in favor of Matilda Bay Bohemian Pilzner. Perhaps the recipe had changed since our first tasting? Perhaps it actually was Matilda Bay Pilzner? It was certainly paler, more bitter and less fruity than the beer at the original tasting.

“Ooooooh. My god, it's the same smell as the smell of the brew cooking in the kitchen when you're making a homebrew,” says Geoff.
Oliver: “If I could brew a beer like this I'd brew it forever.” Geoff: “If I could brew a beer like that I'd give up my day job.”
This is like nothing else. It's an outstanding beer, a deep copper color with a taste unlike anything we've drunk before. The strong, complex mix of fruity flavors explodes in your mouth. So good that we pondered whether it is the best beer we've ever had. The answer is “possibly”.

Geoff: “It's disgusting; I don't even want to drink it.” Oliver: “It is an indictment that this is Australia's international beer.”

Geoff: “It tastes like a rum and Coke. Is that just because we know it's from Jamaica?” A magnificent syrupy, bitter stout, apparently drunk by the Two Fat Ladies, who would know their stout. Not the kind of drink you'd expect to come out of the tropics. Oliver has read criticism that this is terrible and doesn't hold its head well. That's just rubbish. The huge alcohol content is the reason that its head disappears rapidly.
There's nothing that we can take points off for.

A thirst-quenching, easy-drinking and inoffensive lager. As blonde as Budweiser, but it has some taste. Oliver: “My preconceptions about this beer had stopped me from even trying it. Not nearly as bad as I had feared.”

A lovely, malty beer. Brewed to the German purity law - only malt, yeast, water and hops can be used - and it shows. A magnificent beer. The Dutch influence is obvious and it is very much like Heineken.

Lisa thought it was “extremely tasty”, the boys thought it was pretty ordinary. Brown in color, with no taste at the fore. More bitter than anything. Perhaps not as fresh as it could have been?

Deep red color, but has an astringency that we associate with Pride of Ringwood hops. Lively beading. “It tastes like a homebrew, and not a particularly good homebrew.” Needs a lot more time in the bottle, perhaps, but there's only so much maturation will achieve. The bottom line is that it lacks character. At more than $A10 a pop, you've got to question whether it is money well spent.

FOOTNOTE: Oliver cracked a bottle of this on New Year's Eve 2004 and found it to be a delicious beer. Age was kind to this beer. Very kind.

One of us commented: “Beer gets to a point where if it's no good, it's just no good.” This is no better or worse than Carlton Cold, just different (it is more lively and finely beaded, with good head retention). Thus, it is rated the same.

Aaaaaagh. Dreadful. Bitter nothingness. There's not a great deal that's good about this beer. At the Melbourne Cup one year, Oliver was presented with the choice of Carlton Cold or light beer. He chose light beer.

So citrusy. Crisp. This is a great beer with lots of character. Geoff: “Almost too good to be a lager.” (?)

Bananas; lolly bananas, not real bananas. More intense and more bitter than the Hefeweizen.

Spicy with a beaut head. Lovely wheat beer tang. Subdued hop character. The Cooper's Sparkling Ale of wheat beer.
Geoff said: “Harkens back to breakfast in Bielefeld in 1990. Where's the sausage?”

This was a big disappointment. Oliver will swear on his 300 bottles of homebrew that this has changed since last time he had it, about nine months earlier. Apart from the alcohol content having been slashed from 6.9%, it is also lighter of body and much less rich and bitter. It is more watery. Guinness Original is, we hate to report, just not what it used to be. There are plenty of better stouts out there. In fact, most stouts are better than this.
Shame, Foster's, shame.

A visitor to homebrewandbeer.com emailed us later to say: “I agree with the comment regarding the watery nature of this new stuff. Foster's have done the marketing thing with it - It's all looks and bugger all content.”

POST SCRIPT: Oliver found some of the “old” Guinness (in 250ml “hand grenade” stubbies) in a bottle-shop in Melbourne. Indeed, it used to be 6.9%.

So, for the retasting on April Fool's Day 2001:
Not a lively beer. Geoff: “It's just so syrupy and embraces your guts.” Oliver: “So much more bitter, syrupy and aromatic than the lucklustre beer that it has now become.”

Rating: Four stars.

This is the “beer” that gives US brews a bad name. It's sweet and crap with no taste.
It looks like a chardonnay. It's the blondest beer we've ever seen, and so lightly colored that Oliver was moved to comment: “Wonder Woman flew the Invisible Jet; we drank the invisible beer.”

The ladies liked Bud, but Lisa did comment: “This doesn't taste like beer should taste.”

Perhaps the most offensive thing about Bud is the fact that its catchphrase is “King of Beer”. What a load of crap. We were also outraged that the makers of this terrible beer have fought tooth and nail to stop the magnificent Czech Budweiser Budvar from being sold just about everywhere in the world because of its name.

This beer is evil and thoroughly without a redeeming quality.

Not as rounded as the first two. It's only three months since it was released, so more time in the bottle should allow it to develop.

Geoff commented: “It just seems the older they (Vintage Ale) are, the bitchier they are.” But what did he mean? He also described this brew as “nubile”.

If Batch 1 had hints of brandy, this is scotch. Does not have the sweetness of the first batch. Deep copper-colored.

Geoff: “As round as the beach ball that's thrown around Bay 13 on the third day of a Test.” (For those who don't know, Bay 13 is a part of the Melbourne Cricket Ground in Australia that tends to be permanently in a beer-fuelled state of fun during cricket Tests between Australia and a visiting nation.)

Intense burnt toffee/caramel flavor. Has the alcoholic warmth of spirits and has a hint of brandy. As it warms up, the flavor comes out. Its intense maltiness is nicely balanced with bitterness.

This vintage is two years old and magnificent. As with all of Cooper's Vintage Ales, the brewery says it will mature for up to 18 months. After two years, this may have fully matured, but is showing no signs of becoming undrinkable.