"In the barley where thou sleepest
there hides a nectar clear
Which men shall know in later times
as porter, ale or beer."
Anonymous
"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
Henny Youngman
"He is a wise man who invented beer."
Plato
"Most people hate the taste of beer — to begin with. It is, however, a prejudice that many people have been able to overcome."
Winston Churchill
"Filled with mingled cream and amber I will drain this glass again. Such hilarious visions clamber through the chambers of my brain — quaintest thoughts — queerest fancies come to life and fade away. What care I how time advances? I am drinking Ale today."
Edgar Allan Poe, Lineson Ale
"Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time."
Catherine Zandonella
"Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure."
Ambrose Bierce
"Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol."
Anonymous
"I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast."
W.C. Fields
"A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her."
W.C. Fields
"What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?."
W.C. Fields
"Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink."
Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
"Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it."
Churchill in reply
"Work is the curse of the drinking classes."
Oscar Wilde
"Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of the time and have the time of your life."
Anonymous
"Whiskey? That'd be too warm; it gets your blood up. Porter's the very thing."
Harry Tyler in the 1952 film The Quiet Man
"I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy."
Tom Waits
"After beer and women, bananas are nature's most nearly perfect food."
D. Kimes
"When I heated my home with oil, I used an average of 800 gallons a year. I have found that I can keep comfortably warm for an entire winter with slightly over half that quantity of beer."
Dave Barry
"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza."
Dave Barry
"Adhere to Schweinheitsgebot. Don't put anything in your beer that a pig wouldn't eat."
David Geary
"Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine."
David Moulton
"People who drink light 'beer' don't like the taste of beer; they just like to pee a lot."
Capital Brewery, Middleton, Wisconsin
"Put it back in the horse!"
H. Allen Smith, an American humorist in the '30s-'50s, after he drank his first American beer at a bar
"Twenty-four hours in a day, twenty-four beers in a case: Coincidence?"
Anonymous
"Nunc est bibendum" — "Now is the time for drinking."
Latin saying
"There are some times when I reflect back on all the beer I drink (and) I feel ashamed.
"Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered.
"Then I say to myself: 'It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver' ."
Jack Handy
"The more you drink, the more you save."
Geoff Ambrose on the economies of homebrewing
"Drinking too much is bad for you, but not drinking at all is even worse."
Russian saying
"Homer no function beer well without."
Homer Simpson
"This beer is good for you. This is draft beer. Stick with the beer. Let's go and beat this guy up and come back and drink some more beer."
Ernest Hemingway
"I am not an alcoholic. I am a drunk. We don't have to go to meetings."
Anonymous
"Damn, there's beer on my job application."
Brian Tully
"A mouth of a perfectly happy man is filled with beer."
Ancient Egyptian wisdom, 2200 BC
"My problem with most athletic challenges is training. I'm lazy and find that workouts cut into my drinking time."
A Wolverine is Eating My Leg
"The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk, they're sober."
William Butler Yeats
"Beer. It's not just for breakfast anymore."
Anonymous
"Beer. If you can't taste it, why bother!"
Some anonymous legend
"Beer: Nature's laxative."
Anonymous
"All other nations are drinking Ray Charles beer and we are drinking Barry Manilow."
Dave Barry, presumably on US beer
"Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me."
Winston Churchill
"I drink to make other people interesting."
George Jean Nathan
"You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on."
Dean Martin
"Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut"
Ernest Hemingway
"Beauty is in the hands of the beer holder."
Anonymous
"We will have no more of innkeeping. I have been sick and tired of it this many a day and care not now to see men abuse good liquor and addle their silly pates to fill my purse."
J.M. Falkner
"Hangovers, while being pushed into the background by the drink, were also being fuelled. They were now so potentially big as to be genuinely feared. They would not stop drinking until they had to face the music, and that was when every bit of adrenalin had been burned away."
Irving Welsh, Trainspotting
"You know what alcoholics call New Year's Eve? Amateur night."
Elmore Leonard
"Remember 'i' before 'e', except in Budweiser."
Unknown
"To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a support group."
Anonymous
"Most men can at least recognize some beauty when drunk."
Anonymous
"Friends don't let friends drink light beer."
Anonymous