Panties not best thing on earth! but next to best thing on earth.
Crowded elevator smell different to midget.
Jokes anyone???
Re: Jokes anyone???
A homebrew is like a fart, only the brewer thinks it's great.
Give me a flying headbutt.......
Give me a flying headbutt.......
Re: Jokes anyone???
Find blind man on nude beach, not hard. 
Re: Jokes anyone???
Please explain how you keep beer in panties..........Boonie wrote:Panties not best thing on earth! but next to best thing on earth.
Crowded elevator smell different to midget.
Re: Jokes anyone???
Ask your wife mate, I am sure none of us know much about pantieswarra48 wrote:Please explain how you keep beer in panties..........Boonie wrote:Panties not best thing on earth! but next to best thing on earth.
Crowded elevator smell different to midget.
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homebrewer79
- Posts: 205
- Joined: Friday May 09, 2008 6:40 pm
- Location: Melbourne
Re: Jokes anyone???
House without toilet is uncanny
Thats it, you people have stood in my way long enough, I'm going to clown college
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homebrewer79
- Posts: 205
- Joined: Friday May 09, 2008 6:40 pm
- Location: Melbourne
Re: Jokes anyone???
Man who lay girl on ground get peace on earth
Thats it, you people have stood in my way long enough, I'm going to clown college
Re: Jokes anyone???
Support bacteria - may be only culture some people have
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homebrewer79
- Posts: 205
- Joined: Friday May 09, 2008 6:40 pm
- Location: Melbourne
Re: Jokes anyone???
A pony walks into a bar and says "Bartender, may I have a drink?"
Bartender says "What? I can't hear you. Speak up!"
"May I please have a drink?"
"What? You have to speak up!"
"Could I please have a drink?"
"Now listen, if you don't speak up I will not serve you."
"I'm sorry, I'm just a little hoarse."
Bartender says "What? I can't hear you. Speak up!"
"May I please have a drink?"
"What? You have to speak up!"
"Could I please have a drink?"
"Now listen, if you don't speak up I will not serve you."
"I'm sorry, I'm just a little hoarse."
Thats it, you people have stood in my way long enough, I'm going to clown college
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homebrewer79
- Posts: 205
- Joined: Friday May 09, 2008 6:40 pm
- Location: Melbourne
Re: Jokes anyone???
Man who take sleeping pill and laxative on the same night will wake up in deep sh*t. 
Thats it, you people have stood in my way long enough, I'm going to clown college
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homebrewer79
- Posts: 205
- Joined: Friday May 09, 2008 6:40 pm
- Location: Melbourne
Re: Jokes anyone???
Ok, I'll go again 
Jim phones his office in the mourning and says to his boss
"Boss, I'm not comming in today, I'm sick"
His boss says, "exactly how sick are ya"
Jim replies, "Well I'm in bed with my sister"
Jim phones his office in the mourning and says to his boss
"Boss, I'm not comming in today, I'm sick"
His boss says, "exactly how sick are ya"
Jim replies, "Well I'm in bed with my sister"
Thats it, you people have stood in my way long enough, I'm going to clown college
Re: Jokes anyone???
Nick was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmick. His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change. One day Nick came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It was a robot that Nick claimed was actually a lie detector.
It was about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11 year old son, returned home from school. Tommy was over 2 hours late.
'Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?' asked Nick.
'Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project,' said Tommy. The robot then walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his chair.
'Son,' said Nick , 'this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you really were after school.'
'We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie.' said Tommy.
'What did you watch?' asked Marsha.
'The Ten Commandments.' answered Tommy.
The robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him off his chair once more.
With his lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, 'I am sorry I lied. We really watched a tape called Booty Queen.'
'I am ashamed of you son,' said Nick. 'When I was your age, I never lied to my parents.'
The robot then walked around to Nick and delivered a whack that nearly knocked him out of his chair.
Marsha doubled over in laughter, almost in tears and said, 'Boy, did you ever ask for that one! You can't be too mad with Tommy. After all, he is your son!'
With that the robot immediately walked around to Marsha and knocked her out of her chair.
It was about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11 year old son, returned home from school. Tommy was over 2 hours late.
'Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?' asked Nick.
'Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project,' said Tommy. The robot then walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his chair.
'Son,' said Nick , 'this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you really were after school.'
'We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie.' said Tommy.
'What did you watch?' asked Marsha.
'The Ten Commandments.' answered Tommy.
The robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him off his chair once more.
With his lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, 'I am sorry I lied. We really watched a tape called Booty Queen.'
'I am ashamed of you son,' said Nick. 'When I was your age, I never lied to my parents.'
The robot then walked around to Nick and delivered a whack that nearly knocked him out of his chair.
Marsha doubled over in laughter, almost in tears and said, 'Boy, did you ever ask for that one! You can't be too mad with Tommy. After all, he is your son!'
With that the robot immediately walked around to Marsha and knocked her out of her chair.
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homebrewer79
- Posts: 205
- Joined: Friday May 09, 2008 6:40 pm
- Location: Melbourne
Re: Jokes anyone???
Murphy calls to see his mate Paddy who has a broken leg.
Paddy says, "Me feet are freezing mate, could you nip upstairs and get me slippers?"
"No bother," he says, and he runs upstairs and there are Paddy's two stunning 19 year old twin daughters sitting on their beds.
"Hello dere girls, your Da' sent me up here to shag ya both."
"Fook off you liar!"
"I'll prove it," Murphy says.
So he shouts down the stairs, "Both of them, Paddy?"
"Of course, what's the use of fookin' one?"
Paddy says, "Me feet are freezing mate, could you nip upstairs and get me slippers?"
"No bother," he says, and he runs upstairs and there are Paddy's two stunning 19 year old twin daughters sitting on their beds.
"Hello dere girls, your Da' sent me up here to shag ya both."
"Fook off you liar!"
"I'll prove it," Murphy says.
So he shouts down the stairs, "Both of them, Paddy?"
"Of course, what's the use of fookin' one?"
Thats it, you people have stood in my way long enough, I'm going to clown college
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Clean Brewer
- Posts: 356
- Joined: Thursday Apr 10, 2008 5:14 pm
- Location: Hervey Bay, Qld
- Contact:
Re: Jokes anyone???
A mans been found in the Sydney harbour this morning, wearing a queensland jersey, girls lacy knickers, fishnet stockings, high heels & a dildo stuck up his arse.
Police have removed the jersey to save the family any embarrassment!
Police have removed the jersey to save the family any embarrassment!
To be updated shortly....
HOMEBREW: IF I HAD TO EXPLAIN, YOU WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND
HOMEBREW: IF I HAD TO EXPLAIN, YOU WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND
Re: Jokes anyone???
ya know what Aussie kissing is??its just like French kissing but ya do it down under
beer me.
Re: Jokes anyone???
There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the 'Tickle Me Elmo' toys.
The toy laughs when you tickle It under the arms.
Well, Lena is hired at the Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 AM.
The next day at 8:45 AM there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door.
The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee.
He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up,
putting the entire production line well behind schedule.
The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself.
So the 2 men march down to the factory floor.
When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's
all over the factory floor ...and they're really beginning to pile up.
At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains
of Tickle Me Elmo's. She has a roll of plush
Red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles.
The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric,
wraps it around two marbles and begins to sew the little package
carefully ...between Elmo's legs.
The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter.
After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Lena.
'I'm sorry,' he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face,
'but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday...'
'Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles.
The toy laughs when you tickle It under the arms.
Well, Lena is hired at the Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 AM.
The next day at 8:45 AM there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door.
The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee.
He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up,
putting the entire production line well behind schedule.
The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself.
So the 2 men march down to the factory floor.
When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's
all over the factory floor ...and they're really beginning to pile up.
At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains
of Tickle Me Elmo's. She has a roll of plush
Red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles.
The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric,
wraps it around two marbles and begins to sew the little package
carefully ...between Elmo's legs.
The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter.
After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Lena.
'I'm sorry,' he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face,
'but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday...'
'Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles.
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Clean Brewer
- Posts: 356
- Joined: Thursday Apr 10, 2008 5:14 pm
- Location: Hervey Bay, Qld
- Contact:
Re: Jokes anyone???
The Queensland origin team training session was delayed today for nearly 2 hours.
One of the players, while on his way back to the dressing room happened to look down and notice a suspicious looking unknown white powdery substance at the end of the field.
The queensland coach immediately suspended practice while the police were called to investigate. After a complete field analysis, the police determined that the white substance, unknown to the players, was the try line.
Practice was resumed when the officials decided it was unlikely that the team would encounter the substance again this year...
One of the players, while on his way back to the dressing room happened to look down and notice a suspicious looking unknown white powdery substance at the end of the field.
The queensland coach immediately suspended practice while the police were called to investigate. After a complete field analysis, the police determined that the white substance, unknown to the players, was the try line.
Practice was resumed when the officials decided it was unlikely that the team would encounter the substance again this year...
To be updated shortly....
HOMEBREW: IF I HAD TO EXPLAIN, YOU WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND
HOMEBREW: IF I HAD TO EXPLAIN, YOU WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND
Re: Jokes anyone???
As I was driving home from golf today, I heard a news flash that there had been a discovery of a carbomb outside the Lakemba mosque.
The Police said for people not to be alarmed, as they had managed to push it inside the mosque.
Before the moderators kick this one off for being politically incorrect, or racially villifying, you can choose to substitute any other institution you wish, instead of the mosque.
The Police said for people not to be alarmed, as they had managed to push it inside the mosque.
Before the moderators kick this one off for being politically incorrect, or racially villifying, you can choose to substitute any other institution you wish, instead of the mosque.
Re: Jokes anyone???
Have a go at this one. It's a cracker. How to deal with cold canvass telephone sales guys.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J5z4Vs26-TI
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J5z4Vs26-TI