Beer Poetry

[lob]

No more beer

no more beer
it takes too long to get drunk
no more beer
craft beer = expensive, rubbish, cocktails
no more beer
the taps have been replaced but expensive, wanky, fine-print-labelled, bottled
and/or
expensive cans are all the rage
wake up, hung-over
wander into Newtown, trying to find breakfast
everything is twenty-two dollar quinoa-smashed-avo-paleo-hand-me-your-wallet-you-fucking-moron fool food
no more beer...

[lob]

Better to Down the Vodka (silly song lyrics)

you can die from drinking too much water
better to down the vodka

you can get beat up on the playground
better to break into your parents' liquor cabinet
down the vodka

you can spend all day at the pub
slowly getting pissed on 5-percent beer
listening to r-wing f-wits
better to sit at home sulking
downing vodka

just ask a Russian
(a steroetypical one)
I'll translate what they say:
'better to down some vodka'

you could be an astronaut
just floating around, drinking shit from a tube
better to down the vodka
float around in your head instead

open the freezer door
sit on the vinyl-tiled floor
it's like being in Russia
sterile, hard, f---ing cold
down the vodka

[lob]

Drinking 24/7

drinking 24/7
paving the way for bouncers to earn their keep
drinking 24/7
road carnage just the beginning
drinking 24/7
vomit, toilet, pale-faced in the bathroom mirror
drinking 24/7
coffee and greasy breakfast, useless
drinking 24/7
“good on ya Hawke”
drinking 24/7
sobriety overrated but probably would live a longer and more purposeful life
drinking 24/7
can’t figure it out, why she left

[warra48]

Golf

I was told by a reliable source
On a nearby golf course
Hit it straight and long
And you won't go wrong
You'll be a winner
That means a grinner
Score every hole for par
And you'll be a star
And when the clubhouse gets near
You can smell that beer
After the last putt you sink
You will have earned that drink

Amen

[lob]

Beer Drinker, 2049

beer drinker, 2049
android bartender
order the low-gravity mars-grown ferrel hops malt-ale
36.95 Meso a glass
wrist-pay, smash it down
order another, look around
70s disco-era-chick-themed android barmaid scans me, finds i’m unhappy
clicks into cheer-the-customer-up mode
entice more orders, more money, more-for-the-sake-of-more
always more
money, now 0’s and 1’s
0110110101101111011011100110010101111001
look out the window
sickening red haze, runaway climate change
the science was wrong, no magic bullet to fix
on that account, those evil-fuckers, the now-dead - lucky them
Koch brothers, were right
sigh
drink some more
barmaid knows how to entice
fake smile, fake, everything
return to The Cubicle to sleep off the grog
at least I survived
the trump era and early 20s nuclear war

[lob]

Sometimes if feels like whatever will do

sometimes it feels like life’s a bore
summertime ‘round the corner
but she’s gone, the one I adore
all that I can find
to kinda replace her
is
spirits, liquor, or beer
not the same, but near-death
I’m in no state to know or to care
fill-'er-up
each glass inches nearer
the coffin is callin'
the real, unequivocal, death-stare
on the outside, all is pleasant, compose
on the inside, wrecked from details
thirty years ago

sometimes it feels like whatever will do
I smile and make pleasantries
not how i feel, but
it’s what I’m supposed to do

[lob]

Place Your Bets

the punters placed their bets
forgot all their past regret
all the tears that built up behind
the bravado that fell away to, another, loss
sense of lost, being lost
somewhere in that cigarette haze
sign off from worrying
by downing another, another, another
drowning in self, self-pity, self-loathing, thy self
pints and the sheer pointlessness of it all
life in ‘stalled-mode’, going nowhere
the world a capitalist-stall side-show
to take it all from you, all your money
your self-respect
knowing she will
berate you when you get home
but you're so zoned out from beer
and she no longer gives a f---
or wants to
and after all
she's seeing someone else
hopefully you die soon
before all the money runs out

[lob]

In the Smoke Haze

In the smoke haze of pubs now gone
cancer centres where they treated the well
gave them cancer
pretended to care
ran a few raffles, fundraisers and shit
but, generally, screwed over the locals for every dollar
their wealth, their health, their self-respect

twenty years later
in replacement, they gave us
café culture selling us fat, salt, and sugar
cancer without the smoke haze
150 gram sandwich biscuits, freak shakes, and whatever-else shit the
trendsetters-who-submit-food-pics-to-instagram-like

they fatten rats in the science-lab with sugary water
and the Malls are filled with fattened people
addicts walking needlessly about
in search of their next sugar/fat/salt injection

murdoch press blares on the foodcourt screens
The Nanny State!!!
while nine year old kids get type 2 diabetes

order an organic soy latte, ask for something sweet, but smallish, around 30 grams
greeted with blank stares by the clueless café morons
walk across the road
the smoke-free pub is all but empty
drink a schooner of pale and LMFAO

[lob]

Scott Moron

Scott Moron wears a red hat
drinks schooners
likes Cook and invaders in general, but probably not ISIS
likes Jesus, the blue-eyed white version at least
works in a hill with a compensating big flag pole on top
likes clean coal and unicorns
no, he didn’t say ‘good people on both sides’ regarding the Cronulla riots
But, HE SURE DOES LIKE WEARING THOES f---ing RED HATS

[lob]

End is Nigh

end is nigh
the barmaid signals last drinks with a tender smile, a nod
swallow down, scramble to the bar for one last swill
some old guy passed out on the stool
caught between drunk-slumber and
death via polished concrete floor

end is nigh
the cops are out tonight
the cyclist weaves between the motorist weaving between
sexting the woman next door, fixing Bluetooth so he can hear James Taylor, and lying to his wife
inadvertently the cyclist is caught under

end is nigh
the pub is mostly empty
developers come knocking
after hours, the owners and banker-wankers talk
or, money does
a deal is made

end is nigh
the cops know you were texting

end is nigh
they forgot to take your tie

[lob]

WA

drink ‘till i drop but there’s no more left
i’m still here, money’s bare
run to the store
balaclava
empty the till
run away
buy some more
drink some more
the park is mostly dark
faces mostly black
the one light has a mocking pelican perched above
the ocean waves pound and i fall asleep
wake to the pounding batons
the laughing cops
the pelican hovers, waivers, moves on
carted off, interrogated, incarcerated
left to die in a concrete 4 by 2 cell

[lob]

Drunken Slumber

drunken slumber
wakey wakey
drunken slumber
under the influence of
a drink or two
drunken slumber
dreams of
bar room fights
girl eating ice cream
an alley full of cats
drunken slumber
barmaid’s friendly shove
back into woke
pay up or get the f--- out

[lob]

If bottles of beer were bowling pins

if bottles of beer were bowling pins
only f---ing morons would play

[warra48]

There once was a man
Who found a beercan
He pulled the tab at the top
Put the can to his lip
And took a really deep sip
It was a fair cop
As the bubbles arose
and went up his nose

[lob]

Beer cans

Beer cans can
can get you drunk
and crush your insides
but that’s ok
the liver is not forever
whereas horrible memories that must be forgotten are

beer cans are soothing
unlike reality
biting and cold and generally awful
full of shades of cold-grey buildings
monotone wanks in suits
banks, finance, right-wing trump-like fuckers in power
lack of investment in the arts, science, social…
real-reality

false security tho
by downing another, another
drift away, alternative reality sure, but
just a matter of time
war breaks out, Iran or Pakistan/india, or some rogue Russian Sub
clown at the helm
nice knowing ya all

[lob]

AM into PM

drinking AM into PM
beer imparting knowledge that will
soon dissipate
like lollies off a plate
like a Tuesdays with Morrie session
only better
no all-knowing Morrie, no silly book deal
just all-encompassing beer

just me and beer
this pub
and, ok, the barmaid

in my head, laid bare…

sober up fools us into a false-sense of reality
the quantum world knows different
the bubbles in the beer know different
knows better

the wise would do well to wise up

the dumb do well to tone down
their talk-back radio hiss of hate

turn it off
the government
the everything
other than
beer

[lob]

Beer surrender

beer surrender
take me under
your influence
your flatulence
part-owned by late night greasy-fast-food
let me fail to remember
what’s in my dismembered head
or my stomach as it
flushes down the toilet bowl
in the mirror
yet again, I am
pale faced
looking at near-death
surrendered to you
oh beer

[warra48]

Beer beer beer
Beer beer beer
Beer beer beer
Beer beer beer
Beer beer beer
Beer beer beer
Beer beer beer
Beer beer beer
Beer beer beer
Beer beer beer
Beer beer beer

Nothing else to say, really

[lob]

Church of Beer

The beer bottle is a sculpture…
…the beer label scripture…
…the pour a ritual……

...Hangover if it be beer’s will…

……Lack of money a consequence…
….of…….beer devotion, beer’s calling…

…put all that you have into beer’s collection plate…

…Go hungry, but not thirsty…
…..true happiness is the after-party…

…Drink until drunk until sunk until dark until dawn until the dogs bark…

…Until the prohibition Satan goes away.

[warra48]

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