Beer Making Accidents

[grabman]

Found this on the net while hunting for other info, gave me a damn good laugh:

Q: I forgot to close the valve in the bottom of my primary fermentor. I poured my beer into it and now all the beer is on the kitchen floor. Is my beer ruined?
A: Yes. There is no way to get it back in the bucket. In addition, your wife is going to be very angry. The best thing you can do is mop the floor, then go and purchase wine and flowers for your wife. Then you will need to mop the floor again because it is still sticky.

Q: My brewpot boiled over on my wife's new stove. Is my beer ruined?
A: No. Your beer will probably be fine. You're just going to have a little less of it than you expected. You also have a very nasty job ahead of you. Burned on wort is very difficult to remove from your stove and brewpot. It is probably best for you to spray a cleaner like 409 on the stove and let it soak while you go and purchase chocolates for your wife. You will need a very large box of chocolates to keep your wife occupied while you scrub the black crud off the stove.

Q: I did both of these things on the same brew day. What do I do now?
A: Purchase diamonds for your wife in addition to the items above.

[thehipone]

Does anyone else have the most recent version of the Morgan's "brewing News"?

In it there's some good ones too.

A guy calls in complaining of an off-smell and taste. THe helper determines that the beer is in fact infected and tries to determine why. The helper asks, what temperature did you pitch the yeast? The reply: "About 30-35, and I know it was warm because I always stir with my hand and arm."

THe other one:

A guy calls in complaining of no activity in the airlock. After a while the helper asks: "Are you sure you pitched the yeast?"
THe reply: "Bloody oath mate, the packet is still floating on top of the beer"

[Dogger Dan]

As much as I might like to laugh I can't. While going through University I worked at a home brew store and the things that came in were incredible. The best was the "I forgot to add the sugar so I did right before I put it in the glass bottle and capped it, it is all OK right" I know I have told that ditty but it is a no shit dit.

The other, It is about 37 deg C and you get the call, I brewed my beer and I can't get it below 37 deg so how can I pitch my yeast there must be something wrong with the beer kit. The amazing part of this conversation was they thought the wort cooled itself to the cool 23 deg required regardless of the outside temp. I must admit, I would have handled this comment differently today.

I have others but none so good as those two. really people, lets do it by sight and sound rather than numbers

Dogger

PS, As much as I say that I had to blow the dust off the hydrometer as I need it for an all grain I am about to undertake

D