General homebrew discussion, tips and help on kit and malt extract brewing, and talk about equipment. Queries on sourcing supplies and equipment should go in The Store.
I was bulk priming today, using my oldest fermenter, and as I was putting the lid on, my thumb went right through the side of it, spilling about 2 bottles worth of almost finished beer on the floor. Fortunately I wasn't alone and I had another sanitized fermenter handy (I had been planning on starting another brew in it once I'd bottled) so I was able to salvage the situation by racking from the broken fermenter into the clean one.
Although it has never been in the sun, the old fermenter was about 6-7 years old, so I guess old age caught up with it.
Another thing that happened recently while showing a mate how to use his new brew setup, I had put a bottler on a length of tube and was filling the bottles on the floor, when the end of the bottling valve came off and ended up in one of the bottles, resulting in a fair bit of spillage on their kitchen floor until I shut off the tap on the fermenter. (This was after I'd convinced his better half we wouldn't make a mess)
But I was just wondering if anyone else out there has had memorable failures of equipment or made a complete stuff up and really ruined a batch.
The worst I've had is overfilling my dad's old 20L fermenter (put like 21.5 litres in there before I realised that the full 23L specified by the recipe wasn't going to go in ;) Then I fermented at like 26°C, which made half the batch bubble out the airlock onto the sleeping bag that I was using to keep the whole thing warm.
Um, only other thing that's happened is I pushed the rubber grommet for the airlock out of the top of my fermenter and into my wort. Thought it might float so I tried to find it with a sieve, but all I succeeded in doing was mixing in the yeast. Ran upstairs and washed my arm under a cold shower, sploshing plenty of water onto my jeans in the process, before sticking my arm into the fermenter and fishing out the grommet.
Being new to this art, I haven't had the opportunity to screw up monumentaly. However the other night while checking the FG on my lager I had the hydrometer in one hand, the tap in the other and tried to turn off the tap as the hydrometer tube thing was full. Well the bloody tap was tight, it spun around and lost about a half liter of beer all over the floor and down the front of the fridge. If I had a third hand it would have no worries.
Krusty, I had the tip fall off the end of my filler tube last weekend as well. Didn't mind the mess but losing the beer gave me the shits. Reckon I stood there for about 3-4 seconds like a stunned mullet with my mouth open just watching beer go everywhere. Then I though "I think I need to turn the tap off".
The other "monster" screw up was when I was but a lad in the late eighties. It was winter and I wanted to keep a brew warm.
You may remember that the 80's were notable for a number of things including duran duran, crap clothes and......the waterbed. My olds had one and they were away so I pulled back the bladder thing on their water bed, shoved the fermenter between the bladder and the wall of the bed and set the heater to about 3. Then I walked away thinking I was an 'ideas man'.
Came back next day immediately noticed a strong beer smell in the bedroom. Stupidly I remember thinking "Yeah! she's brewing like a champion". Then I pulled back the bladder and saw that the fermenter was empty, I hadn't screwed the tap in far enough and it had slowly leaked through the night. There was beer eveywhere. reckon I cleaned that bastard for about 8 hours and the olds still noticed the smell straight away. Not Happy!
Luckily for me a few days later my older brother blew up the shed after he made some sort of bomb out of pool chlorine and engine oil or something....and my sins were.....well not quite forgotten, but "overshadowed".
All right, brain, you don't like me, and I don't like you, but just get me through this, and I can get back to killing you with beer. - H Simpson.
Being a noob I heard of 2 can brews & thought I'd give it a go cause one of the coopers varietys was on special 1/2 price - pity it was Bitter!
I added 1kg of LDME as soon as I found out what IBUs were & realised my mistake - could have maybe done with another 2 kilos of malt though I think
I tried one at 2 weeks hoping, in vain it seems - down the sink went 1/2 the bottle & I topped it up with water & re-primed it. See how that goes in a week I guess, if no good I guess I'll just box it up & try it next winter, or lawn food it.
Jesus, Ernie ....my latest homebrew mishap was making the mistake of taking a big swig of my Belgian Strong Ale clone right before I read your last post ..... half up the nose and half on the floor... thanks mate i like a laugh
Deutsches Reinheitsgebot: Deutsches Bier ist von Wasser, Hefe, Hepfen und Malz gemacht. Wenn nicht, DASS IST GAR KEIN BIER!!! Ich liebe Kuupers Koelsch und Frueh Koelsch.
The fact that this thread is going tonight is very weird.
Just finished mopping hops and malt off the laundry floor.
Boiled my brew for 45 mins, first time I every boiled pellets, not stocking around to strain the brew so I tried a chux.
As I began pouring out of the pot it suddenly dawned on me that the chux actually absorbs stuff doesn't it. So it absorbed some got too heavy and let wort spew onto the floor.
JubJub wrote:However the other night while checking the FG on my lager I had the hydrometer in one hand, the tap in the other and tried to turn off the tap as the hydrometer tube thing was full. Well the bloody tap was tight, it spun around and lost about a half liter of beer all over the floor and down the front of the fridge. If I had a third hand it would have no worries.
Reckon I can top all of them!!! When I first started brewing I had the usual little problems we encounter as we learn, but I was around at a mates place and we ran out of beer, his son had made a batch of Coopers draught and we slipped into that, it was great, well carbonated, good head tasted pretty good and of course did the job in the topping up department. Anyway, I asked what he had done to make this brew so good, his mother said that he had mistakenly doubled the priming sugar, when I queried that she assured me that was the truth. Still being a big new to the game, I thought I would try it, but sneak up on it a bit rather than just hit it with double so I increased the sugar by about half, did about three brews before it happened!!! It was a pretty warm afternoon when I heard the first couple go off, then they began to go off in succession, one setting off another setting off some more etc. I had them all stacked in a custom built rack in the shed, and glass and beer was going everywhere, I finally managed to carry a tarp in to the shed and throw over the lot, lost about 135 stubbies in that little disaster, had to go and explain to the neighbors what had gone on the next day.
That little excercise prompted me to write this poem a few years later.
“GIDGEE JACK’S LAST BEERâ€
(C) Ross Magnay 14/7/05
Gidgee Jack was quite a drinking man, he had been all his life,
It cost him all his money, his station and his wife.
So Jack moved to the city, and commenced on council pay,
But what he earned in one whole week, he drank in just one day!
Now Jack was not a spirits man, he mostly fancied ale,
But the pace that he consumed it would turn Ernie Dingo pale!
A dozen pints at knock off time, twelve longnecks for the track,
Yes he was quite a drinking man, was our mate Gidgee Jack.
But mowing grass and raking leaves, would not support his thirst,
And Jack was suicidal, (or something even worse!)
Then an idea struck him, just like lightning from the blue,
“I’ll get myself a flamin’ kit, and make me own homebrew!â€
So next day in his lunch break, Jack found a brewing shop,
“ I need a flamin’ home brew kit, the biggest one you got!â€
“ I’ve saved a stack of longnecks, all cleaned and like brand new,â€
“Just waitin’ home for me to fill, with this here flamin’ brew.â€
That night Jack started brewing, with diligence and care,
With brewing kits and Coopers tins, scattered everywhere.
But it finally got together, and the brew began to work,
Jack sat down with a longneck, and a much contented smirk.
Then it came the time to bottle, and Jack could wait no more,
So with measuring things, and capping things and bottle tops galore,
He pored through the instructions, till he found the bit that said,
Six grams of brewing sugar, will ensure it holds it’s head.
But Jack was not a metric man, he never found the need,
To measure things too accurate, mostly “miles†or “tons of feed.â€
And converting grams to ounces, (well he got on top of that.)
So he started priming bottles till he nearly filled his flat.
He filled them up and capped them off, the way the booklet said,
Then happy and contented, Jack stumbled off to bed.
He dreamed about the finished brew, and two weeks down the track,
When he would crack some longnecks, and knock a couple back.
A week had passed since bottling day, five days of mowing lawn,
And Jack thought “I feel buggered†as he stretched and gave a yawn.
I think I’ll have an hours camp, before I cook some tea,
I ‘spose a bloke is not as young, as what I used to be.
But as Jack drifted off to sleep, there came a frightening bang,
Like gelignite exploding, or a car just had a prang.
And then another followed, a bang and then a crack,
Jack thought “Well I’ll be buggered, it’s a terrorist attack!
Jack’s three o three was underneath the bed that he was in,
He hit the floor and grabbed the gun, and shoved the “maggy†in.
“I’ll show you bloody ragheads, a thing or two.†he said,
as he fired two shots out through the door, taking cover by the bed.
But the firing it intensified, and then a rattling run,
Jack thought, “The bloody bastards, must have a gattling gun!â€
And the bangs and loud explosions, shook the block of flats complete,
As a crowd began to gather, outside in the street.
Jack fired three shots blindly, they went through the Gyprock wall,
“Give up you raghead bastards,†the crowd heard Gidgee call.
But Jack was out of ammo, and trapped behind his bed,
To contemplate his future, he well could wind up dead!
Gidgee Jack was not a coward, a tough old station man,
He kept down low behind his bed, to formulate a plan.
Though the firing still persisted, it was getting less and less,
And Jack could sense an ending to this terrorizing mess.
He thought, “patience is a virtue, I’ll sit and wait it out,â€
“They must be low on ammo, I’ll wait till they run out.â€
And then at last the firing stopped, and Jack rushed to the door,
And near reduced to tears, with his homebrew on the floor.
That really got Jack’s dander up, brought scarlet to his face,
“I never knew that terrorist, were such a lowly race.
Smash a fella’s beer supply, and then just wreck the joint,
And disappear without a trace, I just don’t see the point.
So spirit still unbroken, but a different view on life,
Jack rolled his swag, and packed a bag, swore off the grog for life.
He set himself to trampin’, back out amongst the bush,
Away from crazy terrorists, and the crazy city push.
Yes, same same. Bottled a brew during uni days. Thought we would 'up' the priming sugar so we could make killer beer. Whole batch exploded. Old fella' next door was a WW2 vet. He said he though he was back in the war with al the exploding. We picked glass out of that shed for 2 years.
Waking up this morning, checking my home brew stash and realising that my party guests and I had made our way through a whole slab of Dogger's honey maple beer . General consensus was that the beer is delicious, even after only 2 weeks in the bottle. Of course, people were roaring drunk at the end, and the fact the beer was free might have added to this perception . Beautiful drop anyway.
. General consensus was that the beer is delicious, even after only 2 weeks in the bottle. Of course, people were roaring drunk at the end, and the fact the beer was free might have added to this perception