The truth about drinking
A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole is maintained or even improved by the regular culling of its weakest members.
In much the same way, the human brain can operate only as fast as the slowest brain cells.
A recent study has shown that while excessive intake of alcohol kills off brain cells, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.
Thus, regular consumption of alcohol helps eliminate the weaker cells, constantly making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.
The result of this in-depth study verifies and validates the causal link between all-weekend parties and performance at work. It also explains why, after a few short years of leaving a university and getting married, most professionals cannot keep up with the performance of the new graduates. Only those few that stick to the strict regimen of voracious alcoholic consumption can maintain the intellectual levels of their college years.
So, this is a call to arms.
As our country is losing its technological edge, we must not shudder in our homes. Get back into the bars. Quaff that pint. Down that cocktail. Shoot that shot. Your company and country need you to be at your peak, and you shouldn't deny yourself the career that you could have. Take life by the bottle and be all that you can be.
Tell all your friends, acquaintances and co-workers that may be in danger of losing their edge.
What else is one to do?