"Draft beer, not people."


"Drunk is feeling sophisticated when you can't say it."


"No animal ever invented anything as bad as drunkenness — or as good as drink."

G.K. Chesterton

"Conserve water. Drink Beer."


"Beer is good food."


"It's better to have beer in hand than gas in tank."


"Life is too short to drink cheap beer."


"If nothing beats a Bud, given the choice, I'd take the nothing …"


"What do making love in a canoe and American beer have in common? They're both f@#!*ing close to water."


"Sir, you're drunk!"

Lady Astor to Winston Churchill

"Yes, Madam, I am. But in the morning, I will be sober and you will still be ugly."

Sir Winston in reply

"Beer has food value but food has no beer value."


"Whoever called it near beer was a poor judge of distance."

Prohibition saying

"I do not drink more than a sponge."

Rabelais, 17th-century French satirist

"I decided to stop drinking with creeps. I decided to drink only with friends. I've lost 30 pounds."

Ernest Hemingway

"There are more old drunks than there are old doctors."

Willie Nelson

"Life, alas, is very drear. Up with the glass! Down with the beer!"

Louis Untermeyer (1885-1977)

"Wine is but single broth, ale is meat, drink, and cloth."

16th century English proverb.

"Do not cease to drink beer, to eat, to intoxicate thyself, to make love and celebrate the good days."

Ancient Egyptian saying

"But if at church they would give some ale
And a pleasant fire our souls to regale
We'd sing and we'd pray all the live long day,
Nor ever once from the church to stray."

William Blake

"We brewers don't make beer, we just get all the ingredients together and the beer makes itself."

Anchor Brewing president Fritz Maytag

"This is grain, which any fool can eat, but for which the Lord has intended a more divine form of consumption. Let us give praise to our maker and glory to His bounty be learning about beer."

Friar Tuck, Robin Hood (the 1991 movie)

"In my opinion, most of the great men of the past were only there for the beer."

A.J.P. Taylor, British historian

"What two ideas are more inseparable than beer and Britannia?"

Sydney Smith, English clergyman and writer.

"Ah, beer, my one weakness. My Achille's heel, if you will."

Homer Simpson, The Simpsons

"Ah, the college roadtrip. What better way to spread beer-fueled mayhem?"

Homer Simpson, The Simpsons

"Bart, a woman is like beer. They look good, they smell good and you'd step over your own mother just to get one!"

Homer Simpson, The Simpsons

"Beer. Now there's a temporary solution."

Homer Simpson, The Simpsons

"Does whisky count as beer?"

Homer Simpson, The Simpsons

"Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose, it's how drunk you get."

Homer Simpson, The Simpsons

"But every time I learn something new, it pushes out something old! Remember that time I took a home wine-making course and forgot how to drive?"

Homer Simpson, The Simpsons

"That's because you were drunk!"

Marge Simpson in reply

"Barney … you have to be sober to fly a helicopter. It's not like driving a car."

Homer Simpson, The Simpsons

"Note to self … no matter how bad life gets, there is always beer."

Norm MacDonald

"It's a menage a trios: you and me and Heineken."

Bloodhound Gang

"Now, thats just drunk talk! Sweeeeet drunk talk."

Barney, The Simpsons

"…and we decided that from that day forward we would never drink beer again. And we never did."

Homer while drinking a beer and reminiscing about him and Barney in high school, The Simpsons

"Marge, beer me."

Homer Simpson, The Simpsons

"We're all out of beer Homey."

Marge Simpson

"Don't toy with me woman."

"I drink when I have occasion, and sometimes when I have no occasion."

Miguel De Cervantes

"I'm Catholic and I can't commit suicide, but I plan to drink myself to death."

Jack Kerouac

"Whiskey's too rough,
Champagne costs too much,
Vodka puts my mouth in gear.
I hope this refrain,
Will help me explain,
As a matter of fact,
I like beer."

Tom T. Hall

"There may be a few good men who don't drink, but they've got to prove it."

Colonel Lincoln Karmany, United States Marine Corps

"Don't you know alcohol kills brain cells … any damn brain cell that can't live through a good drunk deserves to die. You're doing yourself a favor, getting rid of all them nonhacking, underachieving ones. I'm working on improving your efficiency."

James Webb, A Country Such As This

"Beer — Because one doesn't solve the world's problems over white wine."


"The end is near, drink more beer."

G.J. Hajic

"I don't trust anyone that doesn't drink."

G.J. Hajic

"I only go to air shows because they have beer"

Q. Hajic

"A full beer is a perfect beer."

Tim Russman

"Well I woke up this mornin' and I got myself a beer."

Jim Morrison, of The Doors, Roadhouse Blues

"It takes beer to make thirst worthwhile."

German Proverb

"The best way to die is sit under a tree, eat lots of bologna and salami, drink a case of beer, then blow up."

Art Donovan, aka Fatso, Baltimore Colts linesman in the 1950s & '60s, on the Tonight Show, April 13, 1990

"I have reached this grave out of my own possession, without taking anything away from anyone. Every man who worked for me was paid. They did it for beer and bread."

Enscryption on ancient Egyptian tomb